


Zee AU

by DoomedKelpie



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Attempted Murder, Bullying, Comedy, Drama, No Romance, Teacher Dib, ZADF, and they were ROOMMATES
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26520619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoomedKelpie/pseuds/DoomedKelpie
Summary: When Irken Researcher Bee is ordered to euthanize a smeet by the Tallest, she just can’t bring herself to follow orders. Instead, she takes the smeet and runs from Irken space.Seventeen years later, they end up on Earth.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	1. Prologue: Your Orders

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! If anyone is actually reading this, I want to make a few notes about this AU!
> 
> Firstly, this AU is REALLY OC heavy, so if that’s not your cup of tea, feel free to exit the tab.  
> This AU also takes place ~12 years after the end of the series, so Dib and Zim are both older now (Dib is like 24 and who knows how old Zim is).  
> Additionally, one of the OCs, Bee, is essentially a recycled version of my invadersona because I was being lazy, so we have the same name. She is not, however, actually supposed to be a self-insert and she doesn’t actually act like me very much, though we share a few superficial similarities.  
> And just to be clear, I do not necessarily agree with or condone the things characters, including Bee, say or do in this fic. There are times when I’ve purposely added some morally-iffy stuff because the Irken Empire seems to be a pretty morally-iffy space empire (insert shocked pikachu here). 
> 
> Anyway, here’s a quick height list of the characters:  
> Zee- 6 foot 1 inch  
> Bee- 5 foot 6 inches  
> Dib- 5 foot 10 inches  
> Zim- 4 foot 2 inches  
> Tallest Red and Purple- 6 foot
> 
> Other characters may also appear.
> 
> If you still want to read this, I hope you enjoy, I guess?

It was on Bee’s first day as a researcher for the Irken Empire that the Tallest appeared before her.

Having just reached adulthood on her 20th birthday, Bee had finally been assigned her permanent role in the empire. Being quite a bit taller than the average Irken (five foot six), she knew that she would be given a good position by the Control Brains, though she had not known which exact path she would be directed onto.

Fortunately, Bee scored highly on the science sections of the examination she had been given, and as such, the Control Brains decided that she would best serve the empire by becoming a researcher in a lab. 

The particular lab she was assigned to was an important one for the future of Irk: Lab 8056-91. Here, she was supposed to work on genetically engineering developing smeet embryos so that future generations of Irkens would become ever more superior.

But of course, on her first day, she had barely done more than tour the lab and fill out paperwork. 

Of course, she was surprised and awed when the Tallest floated in through the door. It had been some time since her superiors had gone home for the day, leaving Bee to take care of some documents, and she was the only one still present in that particular section of the lab. 

“You, scientist,” spoke Tallest Red. “Come with us.”

“Yes, my Tallest!” Bee replied immediately, saluting.

The Tallest swept out of the room and began leading Bee down a series of hallways. As she followed behind her leaders, she was struck by the thought that the Tallest probably didn’t know that she had started only that day, but she didn’t want to inconvenience her Tallest by making them wait for someone else to return. Plus, there was the thought that she might impress the Tallest somehow with whatever task they needed her for.

Eventually, they came to the series of small chambers that newborn smeets slept in. 

After a short trip down one of the rows, Tallest Red stuck out a single finger, pointing it at one of the chambers.

“You need to euthanize this smeet.”

“Yeah. Kill it!” 

The words slammed into Bee like a speeding voot cruiser.

“I-  _ what? _ ” she sputtered.

“This smeet is defective, and we need you to kill it,” Tallest Red reiterated, looking down at Bee as if she were still a smeet herself. 

“Defective?” she questioned. “But- wouldn’t the Control Brains have already deactivated its pak?”

Or, Bee thought, if such a young smeet was defective, wouldn’t it have been terminated before even having its pak installed?

“There was an error with the machinery,” Red said sharply.

“And I wouldn’t question my Tallest if I were you,” added Purple.

A twinge of fear pinched within her chest.

“I apologize, my Tallest! It’s only my first day,” Bee admitted. “I’ll do it straight away!”

“Good. Get on with it, then,” Red nodded, waving a dismissive hand at Bee before turning toward his co-ruler. “Let’s go.”

The pair of Tallest began making their way back the way they came, chattering to each other as if they hadn’t just ordered someone to kill a smeet. They came and went with the casual air of people running a simple errand, something one would do on their way home from work, something that barely required any thought at all.

“We should go get some doughnuts!”

Bee, meanwhile, stood there in shock until the Tallest were out of sight and out of earshot. It was only her first day, and she was supposed to euthanize a smeet?

Looking at the door that separated her from the smeet, Bee tried to wrap her mind around the concept. Smeet researchers didn’t usually have to get their hands dirty like this. If a smeet in their care was defective, the Control Brains would terminate it without the researchers even needing to decide if such a thing was necessary. It was the Brains’ decision if an Irken was defective or not. Not even the Tallest could make such a decision in most cases. 

So why were the Tallest ordering her to do this? They said that there was a problem with the machinery that prevented it from being terminated. Wouldn’t an error like that have been reported to her superiors? What kind of error could cause that anyway? Surely, if something was wrong with the control brains and no one knew about it, the Tallest wouldn’t casually mention it to a rookie researcher. 

What made the smeet defective, anyway? Was it deformed? Sickly? Could it have already demonstrated an unacceptable level of disobedience?

Slowly reaching an uncertain hand out, Bee pressed the button that opened the smeet’s compartment. 

Inside the chamber, the newborn smeet lay sleeping. At a glance, nothing  _ appeared _ to be wrong with it. It looked like a perfectly-healthy smeet. Maybe something was wrong on the inside?

Bee slowly inched her hands toward the smeet and gingerly lifted it, trying not to wake it from its slumber. Then, she cradled the smeet in her arms and started down the hall, making her way to one of the labs. 

Once inside, Bee set the tiny smeet down on a table and opened up its pak, attaching a few wires to the inner mechanisms. Then, she started up a computer and began running diagnostic tests, trying to find out why this smeet was going to die. 

.

She couldn’t find a single thing.

.

She couldn’t find a single thing wrong with the smeet. It was in perfect health, had high enough predicted scores in intelligence, physical ability, and behavior. Yes, the smeet was too young to have any actual scores, but there was nothing to indicate that the smeet was  _ defective _ . On the contrary, this particular smeet seemed rather promising. It’s genes even indicated that it was likely to grow pretty tall, perhaps even taller than the Tallest-

Oh.

.

_ Oh. _

.

Was that it? The current Tallest were still in their primes and would be for a while. But if another Irken managed to grow taller than their impressive six feet, they would be replaced. And the signs pointed to this smeet having that potential. It wasn’t guaranteed, but was even the threat of being overtaken enough to drive the Tallest to ordering murder behind the back of the Control Brains?

Was she being used as a weapon to kill and a shield from consequences?

Bee felt nauseous, her squiddly-spooch squeezing and twisting into anxious knots. 

What exactly had she been dragged into?

“Hello.”

Jumping, Bee whirled around from where she had been looking at the computer screen to see that the smeet had woken up. It was staring at her with wide, innocent eyes, one of which was a very pale blue and the other of which was a similarly pale pink. It had no idea what she was supposed to do.

“... Hello.”

The smeet’s stare held her in place.

“Am I sick?”

Her shoulders felt heavy.

“... Why would you think that you’re sick?”

“You looked like you saw something bad on the screen,” the smeet said simply.

Bee sighed deeply.

“No… You’re not sick…,” she replied.

“Oh. That’s good,” it said. “I don’t want to be sick.”

How was she supposed to kill this smeet? Why did she have to be the only one left in the lab? Had it only been someone else who was there, she wouldn’t be faced with this dilemma.

“Are  _ you _ sick?” asked the smeet. 

“... No, I’m not sick either…,” Bee told it.

The smeet was  _ staring _ at her, the gaze feeling like an accusation even though it didn’t know anything and the expression did not indicate otherwise.

“Why are we here, then?”

.

_ She couldn’t do this. _

_. _

“... Just... a check-up…,” Bee responded. “Just to make sure you’re healthy.”

“Oh, okay.”

“... Let’s bring you back to your chamber now.”

Bee stepped over to the table, removed the wires from its pak, and scooped the smeet back into her arms. This time, since it was awake, its arms snaked around her neck and held on. 

The walk back to the smeet chambers was silent, and by the time Bee returned the smeet to its own compartment, it had fallen back to sleep. She had to gently remove its tiny arms from around her neck so she could put it back inside. After a long look at its young face, Bee closed the door.

That night, Bee couldn’t stop thinking about the smeet and about the fact that she had disobeyed orders. The Tallest told her to kill it, but the smeet remained alive. Surely, the Tallest would find out that she had disobeyed and get someone else to kill the smeet. The smeet would still end up dead. So, would it be better for her to kill the smeet after all? Was there a point in disobeying the Tallest when the outcome would be the same either way? Why should she get in trouble on top of it?

But still, she couldn’t get the image of the smeet’s innocent face out of her mind. She could have killed that smeet right away, and it would not have been able to do anything to stop her. 

It would have been so easy to stain her hands.

Bee agonized over her tumultuous thoughts for hours, trying to decide whether she should go back to the lab to kill the smeet before her superiors returned.

.

Eventually, she made her decision.

.

She readied herself and returned to the lab with grim determination forcing her forward. Going back down the hallways, it wasn’t too hard to relocate the smeet’s chamber. This time, when the door slid open, the smeet was already awake. As its wide eyes met her own, she felt her resolve cement itself. 

.

There was no going back now.

.

“Hello again,” greeted the smeet.

“Hello.”

Bee took the smeet into her arms again and began walking, her steps quick.

“Where are we going?”

“Just another quick check-up.”

“Are you  _ sure _ I’m not sick?”

Bee didn’t answer. Instead, she hastened her pace.

The smeet didn’t ask any further questions as they went down the halls of the lab. Instead, it was looking around, seemingly trying to figure out where they were going.

.

Before long, they came to the lab’s back exit. 

.

Stepping outside, Bee looked around to make sure no one else was around. Luckily, it would still be a little while before this area went into daytime mode, so they were alone. Without wasting any more time, Bee carried the smeet over to her voot cruiser and opened the hatch. Setting the smeet down inside, she did another quick glance around before climbing in herself. 

The smeet looked around the vehicle’s interior curiously as she started up the engine. This was likely its first time seeing the world outside the lab. She could still remember her own first glimpse of the outside and how awe-inspiring it could be, but given the circumstances, she had to cut its observation short. 

Bee remained silent as the voot started its ascent, climbing higher into the air and eventually blasting off into space. 

“Where are we going?” the smeet asked again, a hint of confusion tinging its tone this time. 

“... Somewhere else,” she answered vaguely. “... Have the Control Brains assigned you your name yet?”

“No.”

“Okay. I’ll have to come up with something to call you,” said Bee.

She turned around briefly to get one last look at Irk before setting her gaze on the universe beyond.

XXX

“My Tallest, a small spacecraft carrying a smeet appears to be leaving Irken space.”

“Blah, blah, blah, you’re so annoying,” Tallest Purple mocked. 

“But, my Tallest, smeets aren’t supposed to-”

“BORING!” 

Purple began munching on a doughnut, ignoring the navigator that was trying to notify them of Bee’s ship. Red, who had been napping, snorted awake for a second before going back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s the end of the prologue! Starting next chapter, it’ll be about 17 years in the future. Timeline-wise, this chapter takes place a few years before the Great Assigning for Impending Doom II. 
> 
> And yes, the Tallest have pretty much forgotten about telling Bee to kill the smeet at this point. But Bee doesn’t know that.
> 
> Anyway, see you next chapter maybe.


	2. Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy! Here’s chapter 1!

“Zee! It’s time for ‘skool’!” Bee called up the stairs.

It had been 17 years since Bee took Zee and left Irk. They had spent those years hopping from planet to planet as Irken-conquered space expanded, which only increased exponentially as Impending Doom II progressed. Having eventually grown weary from planet-hopping and fearful of being found out by the Irken fleet, they decided it would be best to just go to a planet so far from the Irken Empire that it wouldn’t possibly get conquered any time soon and there would be no reason for an Irken to find them.

And so, they ended up on Earth.

“I’ll be down in a minute,” Zee replied, barely loud enough to be heard.

Today, Zee was starting his first day of what the humans called ‘skool’, as children and adolescent humans were expected to attend it. Apparently, Zee was starting rather late, both in the sense that humans started around age 5 and the school year began in September here, which was apparently over 30 Earth-days ago. Technically, Zee could have started a bit earlier, seeing as they’d already been on the planet for seven months, but they’d needed to observe Earth and humanity a bit before trying to blend in. Usually, they spent far less time on such efforts because they knew they were going to leave again before long, but this time, they hoped they would be able to stay for a long time. 

Regardless, it was a chilly mid-October day, and Zee was starting school.

True to his word, Zee descended the staircase approximately 56 seconds later, a backpack slung over one shoulder.

Zee had grown into a tall, young Irken over the years, just as Bee had predicted on that fateful day. He was already 6’ 1’’, and would likely grow another inch or two in the remaining years before becoming an adult. Which was, of course, rather serious. He was now taller than the Tallest, who had finished growing decades ago, and, while a smeet could not become a Tallest until they reached majority, Zee was technically now the Tallest Irken alive (to their knowledge). If they were on Irk, Zee would become the new Tallest the day he turned 20. Though, if they were still on Irk, they would have been killed by now, making it a moot point. 

Beyond his height, Zee’s face had gained a vaguely jaded blankness through the course of their adventures, and though his face shifted from it at times, the expression was his default. It gave the impression that he was bored or tired, but that was, in fact, rarely the case. Adding to that impression, Zee’s antennae tended to droop low on his head so that their tips rested near his neck. 

“Did you put everything in your backpack?” Bee asked.

“Yeah.”

“Good. Come eat breakfast before you go, then,” Bee directed. 

Most of the food on Earth was, frankly, gross at best and horrifyingly inedible at worst, but luckily, humans apparently enjoyed snacks almost as much as Irkens did, and there were quite a few that they could eat without getting sick. It would be hard to live on a planet without having access to any edible food, after all. That particular morning, their breakfast consisted of chocolate chip cookies and something called ‘orange’ juice which, though it  _ was _ orange, confused Bee because most other juices on Earth were named after the fruit they came from rather than their color. Bee had shrugged it off as just a strange Earth thing, though. 

“Well, the bus is going to be here in a few minutes, so you should probably get going,” said Bee.

“Yeah,” Zee agreed as he stood from the kitchen table.

With a quick click of the device on his neck, Zee transformed into a convincing image of a human. For what was probably the thousandth time since they left Irk, Bee was reminded of how glad she was that she studied cloaking technology back in school. She gave Zee a once-over to make sure there weren’t any problems with the disguise, and, finding nothing wrong, she gave Zee a pat on the shoulder and sent him on his way.

XXX

Dib sighed deeply as he pulled into the school parking lot, questioning why he ever bothered to become a high school teacher, of all things. Well, he  _ did _ know why, but he still questioned it. He had hoped that, by becoming a teacher, he could maybe do something for kids that could improve their lives, even if it was only a little. He thought that, maybe, he could be the kind of adult that he had needed when he was younger. At the very least, he thought he could stop some kids from getting bullied in school like he did. Instead, he felt like, most days, he just got frustrated by classes full of rowdy teenagers who didn’t want to pay attention and didn’t want to complete their assignments. Dib was mildly horrified by the fact that he could almost understand why Ms. Bitters was the way she was after teaching for so many years. 

Regardless, he was trying, and he was going to try again today. He may not be the greatest teacher ever, but, by Bigfoot, he was going to teach these kids some math.

With renewed determination, Dib undid his seatbelt and got out of the car, locking it with the press of his key fob.

Time to go to work.

XXX

Zee read over the information on his schedule to figure out where exactly he was supposed to go. Apparently, he was supposed to change locations about every 50 minutes, though he was supposed to stay in his first location for only 10. Or, 60? 65? Now that he was looking at it, the first two segments of his day were listed as being in the same location, though they were split up into ‘homeroom’ and ‘calculus.’ He wasn’t sure what homeroom was because he wasn’t at home, but he knew that calculus was a math class. Homeroom lasted from 7:10 AM to 7:20 AM, and calculus went from 7:25 to 8:15. That left five minutes unaccounted for, which was apparently to account for travel time between classes, but in this case, he supposed that he would just stay put for those five minutes. 

Looking around, Zee first figured out his current location and then began to make his way to the proper room, going in the direction in which the numbers increased. 

XXX

As Dib settled in at his desk, he opened up his laptop to check his emails. Seeing that he had one from the principal, which was marked as ‘important’, he clicked it open. The message was brief, but it left Dib groaning silently to himself. 

Apparently, he had a new student, who had been placed in both his homeroom and calculus class. And the principal, in his everlasting wisdom, had emailed him this only earlier this morning. For a student who was apparently showing up  _ today _ .

“ _ Seriously? _ ” Dib hissed under his breath. 

He did, at least, have an extra desk in the back of the room, and he always printed extras of any handouts, but  _ a little _ prior notice would have been great. 

Now annoyed yet again, Dib began prepping for class, double-checking that he had enough of today’s worksheet to account for the extra student and making sure his lesson plan was okay. He wondered if he would have to give some of the old worksheets, too, for the sake of catching up. Actually, was this kid even going to be able to keep up with the coursework at all? He knew that transfer students were sometimes taking other classes that this school didn’t offer and would just end up in whatever class. And others, despite having taken a class, had apparently not been taught much if anything. To get an idea of what he would have to do, Dib went to check the kid’s records of his previous grades:

_ Zee Smith _

_ GPA: N/A _

_ Transcript: N/A _

Hm. There wasn’t anything there. With a shrug, Dib figured that they probably just hadn’t input the information into the computer system yet. 

“His name’s Zee, though? Sounds like a nickname…,” Dib muttered.

Oh, well. It was far from the strangest name he’d heard.

Before long, students started filing in from the hallways, and Dib kept an eye out for the new student. After about half the class had arrived, Dib spotted a new face.

He was tall, almost half a foot taller than Dib himself, and he had dirty-blonde hair. His eyes were a light blue, and he was wearing a dark purple turtleneck.

“Ah, you’re the new kid! Zee, yeah?” Dib called out. “I’m Mr. Membrane, and I’m going to be your calculus teacher.”

Zee stopped next to his desk.

“Hello,” he replied in a quiet voice. 

“So, just before homeroom starts, I was wondering about your previous math classes,” Dib explained. “Since it’s not in the computer system yet, and I don’t want you to fall behind.”

“Hm.”

“So, what class were you taking at your old school? And do you remember what your current grade was?” Dib asked.

“I was homeschooled.”

“Oh! Uh. Well,” Dib stumbled. “What were you being taught at home, then?”

“Math,” Zee answered with a shrug.

“Um… Have you learned any calculus?”

“Hm.”

Dib wasn’t sure if Zee’s answer was an affirmative or a negative. 

“Okay. Well, if you don’t understand or you need help, just ask,” Dib told him. “I hold study help sessions during lunch and after school if anyone needs them.”

“Hm.”

“You can sit at that desk over there,” Dib said, pointing at the desk in the back. “Uh, I’ll give you a textbook and some worksheets once I gather them up.”

“Okay.”

And with that, Zee walked over to the indicated desk and sat down. Dib fiddled with some papers as he waited for the bell to ring and declare the beginning of homeroom. His first impression of Zee was that he did, in fact, seem like a homeschool kid. His demeanor just screamed ‘socially-awkward’, though not in the shy, fearful way he typically saw. He hoped that Zee’s education had been decent enough, seeing as he didn’t want to catch Zee up on a month and a half of coursework. 

Eventually, the bell rang, and Dib introduced Zee to the class, who greeted everyone with a mere ‘hi’. Then, he took attendance and waited through the school announcements. 

XXX

As Zee walked in through the front door, he saw Bee coming out of the kitchen. 

“Ah, Zee, you’re home! How’d your first day go?”

“Fine.”

“Great! So, I was just reading about Earth juices…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there’s the first chapter. Zee has started school on Earth. I decided to make Dib a teacher in this AU. I feel like Dib would probably be a bit less obsessed with the paranormal as he grew older, even if it was just from realizing how pointless it was to try to convince others to believe him. And I know there was that episode showing his future, but none of that was real, so. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading!


	3. Math Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are again.   
> I know that there aren’t that many people reading this, but to those of you that are, hello!  
> Btw, if you want to know what the characters look like (including future Dib and Zim), I’ve posted my drawings for this AU on Instagram and Twitter. I’ve also done a few animations. If you want to see them, I tagged them with #IZZeeAU on Instagram.

Zee had been going to school for about three weeks, and so far, he found it pleasant enough. He didn’t understand much of what was going on in the majority of his classes, but he enjoyed learning new things. His Earth science class, biology, was particularly interesting. It was all so different than what Bee had taught him over the years. Of course, different planets had different life forms, so that was to be expected, but he’d never had the ability to get such an in-depth explanation of life on alien planets.

At the moment, he was sitting at a lunch table and munching on the food he stuck into his lunchbox that morning, thinking about the lesson he’d had before lunch. Apparently, Earth was split into multiple ‘countries’ that had different leaders. And their leaders were chosen in a variety of ways, not just by who was tallest. He had, over the years, seen that most planets were like that. According to Bee, the whole planet of Irk and all of its territories were ruled by the Tallest who were, well, tall. No other qualifications needed. Similar to some Earth governments, though, the Tallest were primarily figureheads, like the queen in some place called ‘England’. The Control Brains actually ran most of the really important things. 

That class made him think. He hadn’t learned much about Irk from his own observation, having had only a brief look outside of the lab he was made in. Most of what he knew was what Bee taught him. But he wondered. Had Irk once been like Earth, split into many regions? Were there different governments with leaders chosen in ways that made more sense than height? How was an empire whose leaders were chosen based on an arbitrary trait able to conquer an entire planet and multiple solar systems? Would they always be in control?

And, in the back of his mind, he wondered if Earth really was far away enough from the Irken Empire. 

“Hey, Robot, did you forget to drink your oil today?” joked a classmate.

Said classmate pushed on his back roughly, taking Zee out of his thoughts.

“Humans don’t drink oil,” he replied, mildly confused. “Certain types are used in cooking, but they aren’t a beverage.”

The classmate rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, might wanna get those loose screws checked out,” the classmate told him, walking away.

Zee wasn’t sure what to make of his classmates. Most of them seemed to be either mildly benevolent or apathetic toward him, but a few acted maliciously. A group of them kept calling him a robot and insinuating that he wasn’t a living creature, which he didn’t understand. At most, he would be called a cyborg due to his pak, but as far as his classmates knew, he was entirely human. And most humans weren’t even cyborgs, let alone robots. They were made of biological material, not metal. So, the notion that he was a robot was ridiculous. Even still, he was wary around those classmates, not wanting their false accusation to lead them to discover that he was from another planet.

XXX

Dib rubbed at his chin thoughtfully. He had been inputting grades for his classes’ recent tests, and paused when he got to Zee’s. He was glad that Zee seemed to have a good understanding of the material. It hadn’t taken much for him to be on the same page as the class, and he’d gotten an 81% on this exam. He’d actually gotten all of the straight-math questions correct, but he’d completely missed all but one of the word problems. Of these, he’d attempted a few, left two blank, and on one, he just wrote ‘I don’t know what a watermelon is.’ Even ignoring the watermelon thing, Zee clearly knew the math but didn’t know how to solve word problems. And yeah, a lot of students have trouble with word problems, but they have to learn eventually because that was more of the real-world application of what they were learning. Usually they would get something right on the word problems if they knew the math, though.

On top of that, Dib had glanced at Zee’s other grades, and, to put it bluntly, they were pretty awful. He currently had a B in calculus, which was his best grade. He had a C- in biology, and a D in world history, as well as in English. He was failing home economics and gym, with a note from the gym teacher about Zee getting into a fight with some other students. His art teacher hadn’t input any grades yet. He wasn’t even sure how Zee could be failing home economics because he knew that teacher let just about anyone pass. But Dib didn’t know what, if anything, he should do about it. Zee, apart from the word problems, was doing well enough in his own class, and he couldn’t (or, shouldn’t) help him with his other classes. Really, his other teachers were the ones who had to do something about it. But would they? He knew his coworkers well enough to assume that Zee’s history teacher, at least, wasn’t the most helpful instructor.

Dib sighed. Maybe he should send an email to his guardian? But he couldn’t overstep like that, and the other teachers, at least the ones who gave the tiniest damn, might have already done so. Well, he should probably offer to help Zee with the word problems. He could bring the grades up then and go from there. 

With that decision made, Dib returned to inputting grades.

XXX

During homeroom, Mr. Membrane asked him if they could have a talk, and when Zee agreed, he asked him to stop by during his lunch/study hall hour. 

When Zee returned to the room at the time specified, he saw Mr. Membrane sitting at his desk and eating something out of a plastic container.

“Ah, hello, Zee,” Mr. Membrane greeted him. “I was just finishing up my lunch. Uh, you can eat in here if you haven’t yet.”

“I ate in the cafeteria.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, have a seat, then.”

Zee sat down in the chair Mr. Membrane gestured at, which had been moved so it was right next to the teacher’s desk. Then, he waited for the man to speak.

“So, I noticed that you have some trouble with word problems,” Mr. Membrane stated. “And, well, I also noticed that you’ve been having some trouble with your other classes. I thought I could help with the word problems, at least? And maybe the other stuff if I can?”

Zee tilted his head slightly.

“Hm.”

“Uh, is that a yes or a no?”

“Yes. I don’t understand the word problems.”

“Okay, great!” exclaimed Mr. Membrane. “So, why don’t we take a look at the word problems from the last test?”

“Hm.”

XXX

Dib took out Zee’s test and began trying to explain the watermelon question. He, however, quickly hit a wall when Zee got stuck on the watermelon issue again.

“I don’t know what a watermelon is.”

Who doesn’t know what a  _ watermelon _ is?

“You don’t need to know what a watermelon is to answer the question. You just need to know the mass, which is in the question.”

“But how can I answer a question about it when I don’t know what it is?”

“The watermelon part isn’t important. You just need the 10 kilograms part. It doesn’t even have to be a watermelon, it can be an orange or any other fruit,” Dib explained.

“ _ But orange is a color. _ ”

“No- No, it’s…,” Dib sputtered in shock. “It’s  _ also _ a fruit. The color is actually named after the fruit.”

“Oh,” Zee responded. “Well, I don’t know what an orange is, either. I know orange  _ juice. _ ”

Dib was already growing frustrated with the student, and he was starting to understand why Zee was doing so badly in his classes. Part of him thought that Zee was just trying to mess with him, but the sincere way he replied and the mild frustration in his own tone suggested that Zee really just didn’t understand. So, Dib reigned in his own frustration to try to help.

“... Okay, do you know what an apple is?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. So, if an apple is 10 kg…”

“But apples are usually about 0.1 kilograms.”

Dib couldn’t stop himself from letting out an annoyed sigh. This kid knew the approximate mass of the average apple, but apparently didn’t know what either a watermelon  _ or _ an orange were, and apparently didn’t understand the concept of an example.

“Zee, you’re missing the point. You need the number. The fruit doesn’t matter.”

“Then why is there fruit in the question?”

“It’s an example to make you think of real-world applications, but it doesn’t have to be realistic.”

Zee gave him a strange look, his face shifting from the blankness it usually showed.

“But what’s the  _ point  _ then?”

“To learn the math.”

Zee gave him a look that told him he still didn’t get it.

“Let’s try this, then,” Dib told him, taking out a piece of notebook paper.

He quickly rewrote the problem as just the math, removing most of the words.

“Try to solve this one.”

“Okay.”

And a few minutes later, Zee handed him a correctly-solved problem.

“See, this question is the same as the watermelon question. I just wrote it differently,” said Dib.

Zee looked at him skeptically, and Dib decided to move on for now.

“Let’s look at this problem,” Dib continued. “You tried to solve this one, yeah?”

“Hm.”

“So, do you know why you couldn’t finish it?”

“I don’t know what a train is.”

And it was, apparently, the same issue. 

“Zee… I don’t mean this in a mean way or anything…,” Dib began. “But is English your first language?”

Zee didn’t have a strongly discernible accent, and his grammar seemed fine, if a little over-formal at times, but his vocabulary suggested that he hadn’t grown up hearing these words.

“First language?”

“Like, did you speak another language before learning English?”

“Oh. Yeah.”

Well, that made some sense. And it would explain his trouble in his other classes. 

“It might be a good idea for you to take some supplementary English classes, then,” Dib suggested. “Just to learn more vocabulary. Maybe you can ask your guardian about it?”

“Why?” 

“Well, it would help a lot in your other classes. Like history.”

“What does English have to do with history?”

And there was that strange type of misunderstanding that reminded Dib of his roommate. He, however, quickly dismissed the thought because the situation was completely different. 

It must just be because he was homeschooled, right?

XXX

Zee was a bit frustrated with his calculus teacher, who kept saying things that didn’t make a lot of sense. Whenever Bee taught him something, it had a point and it made sense. Math was math, history was history. And she didn’t try to make him solve these strange problems about fruit. How was this actually going to be useful in life? Useful math helped navigate the universe and build devices. Fruit, as long as it was edible, just had to be eaten (though, Irkens didn’t eat much fresh fruit, anyway). And it wasn’t his fault that his translator couldn’t translate words that didn’t have an Irken equivalent.

“So, do you like going to public school?” Mr. Membrane asked after they went through the word problems. “It’s pretty different than being homeschooled, yeah?”

“It’s fine,” Zee answered. “I like biology.”

“Really? That’s great,” the teacher replied. “Have you made any friends yet?”

“Hm.”

Mr. Membrane gave him a look.

“Well, maybe you could check out some clubs?” 

“Hm.”

“Uh… right. Well, it’s almost time for your next class, so I guess we should wrap up,” said the man. “Tell me if you need any help with classwork, okay? That’s kinda my job, ya know?”

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here’s chapter 2. I wanted to address the fact that, as an alien, Zee wouldn’t know what certain things are because they don’t exist outside of Earth. And in the series, Zim takes things literally or misunderstands them a lot, so I included that. I also sort-of combined it with the way I tend to take examples literally, and ended up with this whole scene, which ended up going on longer than I expected it to. 
> 
> Who do you think Dib’s roommate is? ;3


	4. Classmates

Zee had started coming to the conclusion that he didn’t like his classmates very much. At this point, most of the nice ones had more-or-less backed away, leaving him to interact with primarily the malicious ones. These students had been getting progressively rougher with their pestering, but Zee didn’t know what he was supposed to do about it. He could hold his own in a fight, could even fight rather well, but apparently human adolescents weren’t allowed to fight each other. He tried to fight back against a particularly persistent classmate during gym class, but his teacher had seen it and he’d gotten in trouble. He wasn’t sure why that rule applied to him and not the one who started it, though. Humans were just strange, he supposed.

Oh, well. It wasn’t like their actions really hurt him much, and if they escalated to the point of causing injury, he would fight them regardless of what the rules were. After all, better alive and in trouble than dead.

On a better note, Zee had also found that he likes human fiction books. He’d acquired and lost a few ‘books’ over the years, but between living, lessons, and avoiding the clutches of the Irken Empire (pretty much synonymous with living), there was little time to read just for the sake of it. Even if he’d had the materials, he hadn’t had the time. Now that they had settled down on a relatively-safe planet, he had more time. And the school gave its students access to an entire library of books, more than anyone could even read, so he now had the materials as well. 

So, he now spent much of his free time reading, which he was currently doing while he ate lunch. This particular book was about a princess who was supposed to marry a prince, but wanted to marry the prince’s sister. This was apparently a problem, though he couldn’t tell what the big deal was. It seemed like the princess was worried about breaking her agreement with the prince’s kingdom? But couldn’t their treaty be upheld if the two princesses married? Well, Irkens didn’t really get married, so he might just be missing something again. Regardless, he liked the book, and he hoped that the princesses would end up together in the end. It would be an unsatisfying conclusion if the princess just ended up marrying the prince. What would have been the point of the story, then?

He took a bite of his cookie. Today, it was a sugar cookie. He had baked them with Bee last night, and he thought they were probably his favorite Earth cookie so far. Along with his cookie, he was eating a peanut butter sandwich. He’d recently discovered that more Earth food was edible than they had originally thought, but even though Zee expanded his diet, Bee continued to insist that most of it was intolerable to her tongue. 

“Hey, you’re that new kid that transferred in a few weeks ago, right?”

Zee swallowed his bite of sandwich and looked up toward the source of the voice. It was an adolescent human with shoulder-length, black hair and a denim jacket. As he looked at them, they smiled.

“You’re… Zee, right?” they asked. “I’m Ann.”

“Hi.”

At this, Ann settled next to him at the table, leaning their elbows onto it.

“I use they/them pronouns, by the way,” they continued. “What about you?”

Zee shrugged.

“Ah, I get ya,” Ann spoke while digging through their bag.

Eventually, after a good bit of digging, they found a crushed granola bar and began eating it.

“So, I saw the book you were reading. It’s one of my favorites!” Ann told him cheerfully.

This piqued Zee’s interest.

“Really?”

“Yeah! What part are you on?”

“Denna snuck out of her room to see Mare.”

“Aaaaaah. Who’s your favorite character? Mine’s Denna.”

“Mare.” 

Ann’s grin widened.

“Yeah, she’s really cool!”

“Hm.”

XXX

Bee entered through the front door to find the house empty, which was strange. She worked odd hours at her Earth job, but Zee was usually home by now. She looked at the clock to confirm the time and found that it was, in fact, about 6 pm. 

“Hm. I wonder where he is…,” Bee mumbled to herself.

Though she sounded rather casual, and in fact intended to sound that way, Bee felt a small twinge of anxiety. She didn’t like not knowing where Zee was. After all, for most of Zee’s life, they had been running away from an empire that would have killed him if he had been found. Not knowing where Zee was could very well mean that he was in danger. 

But, she had to remind herself, they were far from Irken space now, and Irkens were unlikely to find them here. Plus, Zee would be able to handle most danger he would encounter around the city. Anything that he couldn’t wasn’t likely to happen. And besides, school had only ended a few hours ago. He probably just went somewhere after school.

With her self-reassurances in mind, Bee went into the kitchen to get a glass of juice. 

XXX

Zee had completely lost track of time. Ann had asked him if he wanted to hang out after school, and he figured that it was a good idea to spend time with some of the humans. That’s what humans did, after all. He also remembered Mr. Membrane asking him if he had any friends, and he didn’t want people to start getting suspicious. 

And Ann was pretty fun to talk to. They liked to read a lot, and they had shown him some books that were similar to the one he was reading so he could read them next. After they were done talking about books, they had gone to a nearby park and talked about other things. He hadn’t even noticed that the sky was getting darker until Ann said they should go home. 

After a quick goodbye, Zee began to make his way back home, walking a bit faster than he usually would have. He felt a tiny bit nervous, even though he really had no reason to be. It wasn’t like he wasn’t allowed to do something after school. He didn’t even have a ‘curfew’, even though many of his classmates apparently did. And he wasn’t even in any danger. 

Yet, he somehow felt as though he had done something wrong, maybe even something dangerous. Actually, now that he thought about it, this was the longest he and Bee had been apart for since that time he’d been sick and Bee had been captured by some aliens they’d encountered on one of the many planets they visited. The aliens weren’t Irken, but Zee hadn’t known that at the time. All he had known was that Bee had gone to try to find some medicine and hadn’t returned for three days, which was apparently how long it took to convince the aliens that she was no longer affiliated with the Irken Empire. 

Perhaps it shouldn’t have surprised him that others would hate them or fear them because they were Irken, but it had back then. His life was so focused on the idea that Irkens were his enemy and that he should avoid them at all costs that he had practically forgotten that he was an Irken as well. And, just as he’d had no idea of what happened to Bee those few days, the aliens they came across had no idea that they weren’t part of Irk’s endless expansion. 

In fact, they’d needed to use that to their advantage quite a few times to get out of sticky situations. Doing so was always risky because it could let them be found and tracked, but many aliens would run from them rather than try to fight or imprison them. This seemed to be more effective the closer they were to the Irken Empire’s borders, though it became more dangerous as well. Once, they’d even had to trick a group of Irkens into believing they were on their side. Zee couldn’t remember it well, due to the general chaos and a mild head injury, but apparently, they’d encountered an Irken ship that had strayed off-course. It had approached them under the assumption that they were a small Irken scouting ship and asked for directions. That was about the time that an enemy ship attacked, which, while allowing them to avoid providing their pak numbers, had triggered the series of events that led to Zee’s head injury as well as an immediate need for repairs. Regardless, aliens across the galaxy recognized them as Irken when they were out of their disguises, which was a mixed bag of luck. Since they were going to be recognized anyway, though, when the need arose, they would usually play up their Irken-ness as much as they could. Zee had even started wearing an Irken symbol in his shirt.

That, perhaps, was a bit strange. He wore the symbol of the empire that would have him killed as soon as he was found. Maybe it should serve as a reminder of the things that scared him most, but in reality, he rarely even thought about it. It was just one of many tools he used to survive, and he was disguised so often anyway. 

So, maybe he was a bit on edge from being separated from Bee for so long. His mind conjured up images of returning home to an empty house that remained empty, but he pushed them aside. The images were ridiculous. Even if Bee wasn’t home when he arrived, she would be home later. He doubted that the older Irken would do anything that would result in her capture again. 

Sure enough, when Zee arrived home, he found Bee sitting in the living room and watching TV. He saw a glimmer of relief on her face and knew that she must have been thinking of worries that were similar to his own, but he didn’t mention it.

“You’re home late,” she said. “Did you make a friend?”

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so ya’ll know, the book Zee was reading is ‘Of Fire and Stars’ by Audrey Coulthurst. It has magic and lesbian princesses in it. I recommend.
> 
> On another note (and I can’t believe I have to actually say this): Keep your drama out of the reviews, and stop trying to threaten me. Whoever you are, get some lives and let me enjoy myself. Christ.  
> (I’ve been getting a lot of crap over on FFN, and I’m sick of it)


	5. Bullying

As the weather continued to get colder, Dib found himself keeping an eye on Zee far more than he did with his other students. The kid was just so  _ strange _ , yet familiar in a few different ways. Even though he knew it was ridiculous, Zee was so incredibly similar to his roommate. He half-expected Zee to start yelling about lies and how human he was despite Zee’s quiet and subdued presence in his class. The teen just didn’t understand things in a way that seemed like a bit more than a lack of vocabulary. But still, comparing Zee to his roommate really was ridiculous. He knew that. Beyond that, though, Zee reminded Dib of himself in his younger years, what with being a bit of a black sheep who didn’t get along with his classmates. Sure, Zee didn’t go around talking about supernatural creatures and the like, but his point still stood. Instead of ghosts and monsters, Zee apparently obsessed over reading. These days, Zee had his nose in a book just about any time he could get away with it, and sometimes, even when he couldn’t.

Speaking of which, Zee was currently sitting at his desk and reading a dictionary. 

This, in terms of increasing Zee’s English vocabulary, was perhaps not the worst idea, but he was reading it straight-through as if it was a novel.  _ The dictionary. _

And apparently, some of Zee’s less pleasant classmates had noticed this as well. 

“Wow, the Robot is actually reading the  _ dictionary _ . What’s next, a phone book?”

“Phone books are no longer widely used,” came Zee’s reply.

Dib had come to expect this sort of reply from Zee when his classmates were teasing him. He was glad that Zee didn’t  _ seem _ too bothered by it, but he still wondered if he should intervene. It was hard to tell if Zee was actually upset or not, after all.

“Like that’ll stop you. Hey, how ‘bout you use your robot brain to call your mom? Maybe then you’ll have someone who wants to talk to you.”

“You are currently talking to me, and you have done so almost every day for weeks,” Zee responded. “It would be logical to assume that  _ you _ want to talk to me.”

“Why you-!”

Okay, this is probably where he should intervene.

“Hey! Knock it off!” Dib scolded. 

The other student, Chadley, made a face before turning away from Zee. Zee, meanwhile, just continued to read his dictionary until it was time to start class (at which point Dib had to remind the class and Zee specifically to pay attention).

XXX

“Hey, Zee!”

“Hey, Ann.”

Like usual, Ann came to talk to him during lunch. They didn’t always sit together, but Ann would usually come by and talk to him for a bit at least. On the days they didn’t sit together, Zee would usually just sit and read by himself. Today, however, it seemed like that would not occur.

“I was wondering, do you want to sit with my friends today?” Ann asked. “I know you like to read, but if you want to do that, they won’t bother you. Plus, it’s more fun to read next to friends, right?”

Ann smiled at him. He shrugged but stood up.

“Okay.”

“Cool! Let’s go, then.”

He followed behind Ann as they led him over to a different table across the cafeteria. There was a small group of teenagers sitting there, and Ann quickly introduced them all to him. He greeted them. They were, in response, nice to him, and Ann hadn’t been lying when they said he would be able to continue reading. After a brief period of questioning, the group left him to his book, only interrupting him occasionally. 

It was a pleasant way to spend lunch. And Ann seemed happy, which was good too. 

Life on Earth was, despite some of the more aggressive humans, shaping up to be pretty enjoyable. It beat constantly running away and fighting and all the things they had to do before, at least. 

It was peaceful.

XXX

It was the end of the school day, and Dib couldn’t wait to get home. Somehow, one of his students in his fourth block class managed to hijack his projector and started playing some weird video. He knew it was a meme, but he didn’t really get it, and he didn’t care enough about memes to even try to find out. The problem, however, was that he couldn’t even figure out who was doing it, and whoever it was refused to stop, even when he reached the point of practically begging. In the end, he decided to just turn off the projector and write everything on the board by hand. This, combined with the distraction itself, had resulted in his fourth block class being significantly behind the others. He was debating giving the students extra work so they could catch up, but he knew that would be an unpopular decision, and he didn’t want to punish the rest of the class for some stupid thing that only one or a few people did. 

Point being, he just wanted to go home and flop onto the couch. 

… Unfortunately, the meeting between his face and the couch cushions was going to be delayed for a bit longer. 

On the way to his car, Dib circled around the back of the school to find a group of students gathered there. This in itself was not unusual. Rather than unusual, however, the situation was more concerning because Dib quickly realized that there were a few people circling around one. 

“Come on, Robot, why don’t you escape with your rocket legs?”

“I don’t have rocket legs. I just want to go home.”

And of course it was Zee.

“Well, too bad your mommy isn’t here.”

The students apparently hadn’t noticed him yet. Before he could call out, however, Chadley punched Zee in the stomach, hard. The boy stumbled, but managed to keep from tipping over. Did felt a wave of rage and concern wash over him, and he stepped forward to end the situation. 

… And then Zee flipped Chadley.

He actually flipped him. He’d grabbed onto the other teen’s wrist and pulled him, using his knee to help lift the heavier boy off the ground. Once his feet were in the air, Zee made quick work of the rest of the move. Chadley was standing tall one moment, and the next, he was lying in the dirt, his breath knocked out of him. 

“You-!”

Shaking himself, Dib charged over.

“ _ WHAT _ IS GOING ON HERE?!” he shouted. 

Aside from Zee and Chadley, the other students quickly scattered. Chadley, meanwhile, struggled to stand back up, stumbling as he rose to his feet. Zee just stood there, and Dib realized at that moment that the boy’s face had shifted to one of exertion for only a brief moment. He hadn’t even looked angry or scared, just like it was a tiny bit difficult to lift the other boy. 

“What is the matter with you two?! Whose bright idea was it to fight behind the school?!” Dib questioned angrily.

He noticed that Zee had silently pointed to Chadley, who didn’t look like he had seen the gesture. Dib took a deep breath in.

“You both have detention. Tomorrow. Chadley, report to Mr. Weasel’s room after school. Zee, come to my classroom,” Dib ordered.

He knew that Zee had, from what he’d seen, been protecting himself from a bully, and he didn’t really want to punish Zee for something like that. But, the boy had  _ flipped his classmate over _ , and he knew that things wouldn’t go well if Zee didn’t also get punished.  _ Especially _ since Zee hadn’t just pushed him or something. Dib knew, after all, that Chadley had the kind of parents who would 100% call the school to complain if Zee didn’t also get in trouble. Hell, they were probably still going to call the school to complain because Chadley  _ did _ get in trouble.

“But Mr. Membrane, he  _ attacked _ me!” the boy protested.

“I saw you punch him, Chadley,” Dib rejected. “Just be glad that I’m only giving you detention. Now, go home.”

Chadley huffed angrily and stormed off, knowing that it wouldn’t help himself to argue with the teacher when Dib had seen what happened. Zee bent down to pick up his books, where they had been lying on the ground. Zee’s dictionary, especially, was dirty, and the pages were bent. Dib was pretty sure he could make out a light footprint on the cover as well. The sight of the boy picking up his things from where they had clearly been thrown made a needle of guilt shoot through Dib. Damn it, he really didn’t want to be this kind of teacher.

“Look, Zee,” Dib spoke, his voice now gentler but still firm. “I’m sorry I had to give you detention too. I know that Chadley and his buddies have been bullying you, and you were just trying to defend yourself. But flipping your classmates over isn’t an appropriate response to that kind of thing. It’s a bit excessive.”

Zee finished gathering his things and looked up at him. 

“I understand that fighting between students is against the rules,” Zee told him. “But I will not stand there and do nothing when I am attacked.”

Part of Dib was still relieved that Zee  _ really _ didn’t seem to be bothered by the bullying. And he understood what Zee was saying. But he couldn’t just let this slide.

“I’m not saying to just stand there. But violence should be a last resort,” Dib explained. “Try talking first, and if that doesn’t work, try to call for help or run. And if  _ that _ doesn’t work, then defend yourself. And  _ don’t _ flip your classmates, even if you’re defending yourself. You could have seriously hurt him.”

Zee tilted his head. 

“But flipping him was effective in preventing him from punching me again,” Zee said flatly.

“Well,  _ yes _ , but something less dangerous would have worked, too,” Dib responded. “You’re clearly strong enough, so if this happens again, maybe try pushing him out of the way? And then running? I’m really not trying to tell you not to defend yourself, but try to keep your reactions in proportion to the situation, okay?”

“Hm.”

Dib got the distinct sense that, if this happened again, Zee would  _ not _ take his advice. He sighed.

“Just… Go home, Zee. Maybe talk to your mom and tell her you’re getting bullied?” Dib suggested. “It’ll be easier to do something about it if your mom tells the school.”

Zee shrugged before walking away. Dib rubbed at his temples as he continued his journey to his car.

Yes, sometimes he  _ really _ questioned his decision to become a teacher.

XXX

“How was school today, Zee?” Bee questioned that night.

“Hm,” Zee replied. “Chadley punched me, so I flipped him.”

“Nice,” the older Irken spoke with a nod. 

“I got detention though.”

“Oh, I see.”

Zee knew that Bee didn’t actually know what detention was. Zee honestly didn’t really know, either, aside from knowing it was some kind of punishment. It seemed to vary between schools what the exact punishment was, though Mr. Membrane did tell him the punishment would take place after school.

“So, I think I’m going to be home a bit later tomorrow.”

“That’s fine. Maybe you can invite Ann to join you in ‘detension,’” Bee suggested.

“Hm. I don’t think I’m allowed to do that?”

“Oh. Well, I guess you’ll have to play with Ann later, then.”

Zee shrugged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand Zee got detention. Life lesson: don’t flip your classmates (probably).


End file.
